The Friend Zone (or, How “Jerks” Are Made) — The Good Men Project

The Friend Zone (or, How “Jerks” Are Made) — The Good Men Project.

This article is a good example of why I really like this website, and have for a few years now.  I started reading it when I first started to come into my identity as a feminist, but I didn’t want to hear only one side of the story.  The continuing social battle to remake gender roles and change the dialogue between men and women has to involve both men and women or it will never get anywhere.

Getting back to this article, it does an excellent job of breaking down the whole idea of “friend zoning,” which, at heart, is part of society’s poisonous habit of viewing women only as sexual objects.  By making the “friend zone” a place of failure, that reinforces the whole depressing idea that the only reason for men and women to interact or communicate is for sex, and if sex isn’t going to happen (because of friend zoning) then the guy is a chump for hanging out with a girl.  When it is phrased like that, doesn’t it sound a little desperate and pathetic?  Most guys would respond with some sort of comment like, “if I am good enough to be a friend, why am I not good enough to have sex with?” Making the “friend zone” a place where guys go if they are not good enough.  But that is also sad because that is backwardly implying that a man’s value is tied to his sexual attractiveness instead of other personal qualities.

A relationship or a person isn’t more or less valuable depending on whether sex is involved.  This attitude elevates sex above other personal interactions like honest communication and emotional supportiveness, and, as the article points out, leads to sex-negative feelings and manipulative, dishonest behavior.

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One response to “The Friend Zone (or, How “Jerks” Are Made) — The Good Men Project

  1. Thanks for this. You seem like one of the few people who actually understood what I was saying. I found that most of the commenting at GMP totally misunderstood me.

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